Mr. Deity talks about the importance of teaching Creationism in our schools
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TRANSCRIPT:
Denial of evolution is NOT unique to the United States. Look at the Muslim world. They deny evolution in much greater numbers! They deny the observable fact that you can mix salt and fresh water. That's the kind of denial I'm looking for! And THAT'S why I gave 'em all the oil. Don't you want to be more like them, America? Like your President? I mean, the Islamic world is the world's most advanced theological—I mean, you could say America—but generally, the Muslim world is where most of the theological innovation still happens. Sure... You can say that people still move in the United States. They move, they shake, they dance, they bow and genuflect in worship — they handle serpents, and put their arms up in the air — have you seen that(?) — like I'm holding them at gunpoint. And that's largely because of the spiritual capital America has left. But America is falling behind — And I think it's because they're no longer teaching Creation Science in the classroom. When you have a portion of the population that doesn't believe in that, it holds everybody back, really. Because then, I have to unleash hurricanes, tornados, earthquakes, and the occasional Celine Dion hit to remind people of my power and capriciousness... or is it capriciosity?
My guiding hand is the fundamental idea in all of Creation Science, in all of biology. It's like, it's very much analogous to trying to figure out what to do with a young non-virgin girl or homosexual without believing in my word. You're just not going to get the right answer. Your whole world is just going to be a mystery instead of an exciting place. The right answer is "stone her to death," by the way. That's the right answer for a lot of things actually. In fact, I'd just use that as a general rule when you can't figure out what to do. I mean, you can't let 14-year old girls talk out of turn, am I right?
As my young prophet, Joseph Smith, said, "When you're in love, you want to tell the world... that that kind of thing shouldn't limit your options to just one woman." That's crazy. So, once in a while I get people that really—or claim — they don't believe that my guiding is responsible for all of Creation. And my response generally is "well, why not? Really, why not?" Your world just becomes this fantastically complicated place without Creation Science. You've got to figure out all kinds of really, really hard things, like radioactivity, geological stratagem, quantum psychics... squid, yuck! And if they say, "here are these ancient dinosaur bones or fossils, here is radioactivity, here are distant stars that are just like our star but they're at a different point in their lifecycle. The idea of deep time, of this billions of years, explains so much of the world around us that I don't think appealling to a Deity is necessary anymore" then I say... ignore that. Go to the creation museum, saddle up a dinosaur — see how plausible it is. It's crazy, just untenable, it's self-inconsistent to dismiss my guiding hand without riding a dinosaur — like humans used to do! Or at the very least, ya know... people owe it to themselves to take a really close look at the banana.
And I say to the grownups, if you want to deny Creation Science and live in your world, in your world that ever day is more accurately explained by science, that's fine, but don't make your kids do it — don't make 'em deny Creation Science. I mean, evolution... is just a theory, right? It's like gravity, plate techtonics, or the water cycle. We need Biblically literate voters and taxpayers for the future. We need people that can look you right in the eye and say, "I believe in talking snakes." We need theologians that can cite the Kalam Cosmoligical argument and convince ignorant young people that it's a good substitute for actual evidence. Plus, again, the idea of riding a dinosaur...? Kids love that. Don't take that from them.
It's just a hard thing, it's really a hard thing. You know, in another couple of centuries, if we don't start teaching Creationism again, that world view — that people rode dinosaurs like on the Flintstones -- I'm sure, will be, it just won't exist. There'll be no evidence for it... other than cartoons. And I think we all know how dangerous cartoons can be. Don't we?